Agnes and the Hitman Audiobook [Free Download by Trial]

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Agnes and the Hitman

The readers can download Agnes and the Hitman Audiobook for free via Audible Free Trial.


Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett, and you've got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love... Agnes Crandall's life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her attempts to put on a wedding that she's staked her entire net worth on. Then a hero climbs through her bedroom window. His name is Shane - no last name, just Shane - and he has his own problems: He's got a big hit scheduled, a rival trying to take him out, and an ex-mobster uncle asking him to protect some little kid named Agnes. When he finds out that Agnes isn't so little, that his uncle has forgotten to mention a missing five million bucks he might have lost in Agnes's house, and that his last hit was a miss, Shane's life isn't looking so good, either. Then a bunch of lowlifes come looking for the money, a string of hitmen show up for Agnes, and some wedding guests gather with the intent to throw more than rice. Agnes and Shane have their hands full with greed, florists, treachery, flamingos, mayhem, mothers of the bride, and - most dangerous of all - each other.




  • I gotta say, 'Agnes and the Hitman' is an absolute blast! The way this book is narrated is spot-on, and I couldn't help but have a big grin on my face throughout most of it. If you're in the mood for a light-hearted read that'll keep you hooked and bring on the laughs, I highly recommend this one.
  • This book is absolutely hilarious, it will have you laughing out loud. I wanted to collect all of the author's books, but unfortunately, some of them are condensed. "Agnes and the Hitman" is definitely one of my favorites, I've already listened to it multiple times.
  • I've owned this book for four years and listened to it multiple times. The characters and the story line are simply amazing. Some reviewers have mentioned that Cranky Agnes doesn't come across as cranky in the narration. Personally, I believe that her nickname comes from her temper, not her overall demeanor. This makes it even more surprising when her quick and fiery temper does show. The narrator did a great job, and I particularly enjoyed the echo effect when Agnes talks to herself. In other books, I've struggled to differentiate between characters' inner thoughts and their spoken words, so I appreciated this aspect. I'm not much of a critic, as I don't approach books with the intention of critiquing them. I simply want to be entertained, and this book definitely delivers in that department! It's always on my shortlist for re-reads because it never fails to make me laugh out loud.
  • I couldn't even make it through the first part of 'Agnes and the Hitman'. It started off promising, but it quickly lost me with its lack of substance. Overall, it just wasn't good enough for me to finish.
  • This book is hands down one of my all-time favorites. I've practically memorized it, so when I found out that it was available in audio, I was over the moon with excitement... until I actually listened to it. Normally, the narrator would be great, but she falls short of capturing the essence of Cranky Agnes (I was envisioning someone like Sandra Bullock). Her voice lacks the necessary edge and instead comes across as delicate and overly sweet, and her comedic timing leaves much to be desired. Not just anyone can pull off acting, because that's what a good narrator does, especially in a comedy. Many of Agnes' hilarious one-liners and snarky remarks that had me in stitches while reading the book barely even registered on the comedic scale in this audio version. It's such a shame because it will probably be ages before they decide to re-record the book with a different narrator. (Note to publishers: next time, please be more careful when selecting a narrator for Cranky Agnes). The narrators for "Welcome to Temptation" (Vigesaa) and "Wild Ride" (Dawe) were fantastic! They really understood the comedy in Cruise's writing. If they ever decide to re-record this book with a better narrator, I will without a doubt purchase it!
  • This book is absolutely fantastic! It's got a perfect blend of murder and romance, all seasoned with some clever humor. Originally, I planned to listen to it in short 15-minute intervals, but I got so engrossed in the story that I ended up staying up late just to keep listening. It's genuinely hilarious and heartwarming.
  • This is classic Jennifer Crusie! It's a blast with fantastic surprises at every corner. It's the kind of book that you get so into that you hope it never ends. Take pleasure in this novel and all of its captivating characters.
  • If you're in the mood for some serious laughter, then I highly recommend giving "Agnes and the Hitman" a listen. This book is absolutely hilarious! Agnes's skills with a frying pan are impressive, but when it comes to taking care of business, the hitman steals the show. The story itself is wonderfully written and the reader does a fantastic job bringing it to life. It's a must-read for anyone who enjoys a great comedic tale.
  • I was expecting something humorous, not crazy. The main female character was an absolute maniac with serious anger problems, resorting to violence and murder way too often. Seriously, where's the fun and entertainment in that? And to make matters worse, the narrator chose to give "Cranky Agnes" a disgustingly sweet and breathy Marilyn Monroe-like voice. It was just cringeworthy.
  • The narration was full of energy and enjoyable. The only drawback is the special effect thoughts, which cause a significant decrease in volume. I had to go back and listen again to grasp the content. Aside from that issue, this audiobook is absolutely charming. It offers a delightful combination of romance and mystery genres, and is also incredibly humorous!
  • I thought this a great read! So Funny & intertaining.. Even to laughing out load at times No the back ground voice wasn't great.. couldn't hear it at times.. and yes Cds were a mess even on a replacement copy they sent me but all in all I loved the story & will read more from her.
  • I don't even know where to start with this book. When I first received it, I was excited to see that there were 10 CD's! After the first one, I was thinking "wow, really, 9 more I have to listen to?" The main character, Cranky Agnus was entirely too whiny about love and being hurt. She had some funny parts about her but for the most part, I couldn't seen anything great about this heroine. The narrator did a lousy job with the characters; no no passion or energy and they seemed to blend together. I disliked use of "background thinking". Whenever the characters had a thought in their head, the voice was softened and you couldn't hear what they were saying, unless you had the volume all the way up. Many scratches on all CD's, made for a frustrating read. CD's skipped in several places and I had to pass through tracks to find a reasonable response. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.
  • I loved this book, & the narration was good too. The humor, & relationships cracked me up. I read this book before & wanted to listen to it. It's not like listening to a movie but it's better than your own brain.