Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: 20th Anniversary Edition by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
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Summary
The bestselling guide to transforming an intimate relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship, in an all new production of the revised and updated text-on CD for the first time In Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Harville Hendrix presents the relationship skills that have already helped hundreds of thousands of couples to replace confrontation and criticism with a healing process of mutual growth and support. This extraordinarily practical guide describes the revolutionary technique of IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which combines a number of disciplines-including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, among others-to create a program to resolve conflict and renew communication and passion. Dr. Hendrix describes the three stages of intimate relationships, provides illustrative case studies and gives recommendations to help couples create a stronger bond between them. Step by step, he offers advice on how to communicate with greater accuracy and sensitivity, how to let go of self-defeating behaviors, and how to focus energy on meeting each partner's needs. With Getting the Love You Want, couples in any stage of a relationship can resolve their conflicts and achieve mutual emotional satisfaction.
In my opinion, 'Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: 20th Anniversary Edition' offers a mix of useful advice and unnecessary information that could have been omitted. I recommend that both individuals involved in the relationship give it a read in order to reap the maximum benefits.
I'm not sold on the whole "healing childhood wounds" idea, but I guess that's just a matter of wording. It makes sense to me that certain behavior patterns can trigger emotional reactions that seem illogical, especially in romantic relationships...
But let me get that out of the way first. This book is actually quite fascinating and offers numerous exercises and ideas that I believe can be incredibly useful for couples. Even though I'm not a big believer in Freudian theories of the unconscious, I still agree with a lot of the rationale behind these exercises.
The author's tone throughout the book is somewhat condescending, like they're saying, "You wouldn't understand the deeper meanings behind this, so just trust me, I'm an expert." Normally, that kind of approach would really annoy me, but since this book came highly recommended by someone I greatly respect, I resisted the urge to abandon it, and I'm glad I did. There's a lot of value here, if you can overlook some of the exaggerated case studies and intense exercises involving role-playing.
As for the narrator, they really go overboard.
I found this audiobook to be incredibly eye-opening. I feel prepared to embark on a journey of self-improvement with my husband, even though it's a bit intimidating. My love for him motivates me to go the extra mile in our relationship. After listening to this book, I have gained a deeper understanding of various aspects of our partnership. What I truly appreciate is the author's authenticity in sharing personal anecdotes and experiences, as it shows that they practice what they preach.
I caught an interview with Alanis Morissette, the singer-songwriter, on Oprah, and her story really resonated with me. Both she and Oprah highly recommended this book and workshop. After reading all of Harville's books and listening to this audiobook three times, I am convinced that the workbook and workshops will have a transformative effect on my relationships. Initially, my boyfriend was resistant to the idea of a workbook, but as we continue to do the work each week, it becomes easier for him. Whenever my relationships feel off, I find myself turning to reading and listening, and I always end up realizing that I am the one who needs to put in the effort. I absolutely adore this book, as well as all the other books Harville and his wife have co-written. Imago has given my partner and me a deep understanding of how our communication can change our reactive behaviors. As I strive to heal from childhood traumas, this book has helped me grasp my emotional triggers and taught me that running away from relationships when triggered is not the solution; instead, I have a willing partner who is ready to work through my pain. One challenge the book doesn't address is how to connect with a partner who denies any childhood pain. He insists that his parents were amazing and he has always felt loved and safe, whereas my experience is the opposite. It is difficult for him to understand my emotional triggers. Nevertheless, I feel empowered and enlightened, knowing that I can have beautiful and loving relationships if I am willing to put in the work with IMAGO.
This book is a must-read for everyone, in my opinion. The writing style reminded me of a mix between "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" and "How to Make Friends and Influence People." It provides a wealth of valuable psychology information that can resonate with a wide range of readers. Additionally, there are numerous relatable stories that add to its impact. It's an easy read that most people can connect with and comprehend. Personally, I absolutely loved it. This book has given me insights on how to pursue the love I desire. It has greatly improved all my relationships and even enhanced my overall performance in life. I enjoyed it so much that I'm already on my second listen.
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